so......now that i got my anger out of the way, i can get on with my happiness =)
Chicago....i just cant stop thinking about the opportunity, the advantages, the future that city holds in its hands....i know it has its disadvantages, like random shootings, gangs, etc...i was told never to walk down the street alone, for fear i might get shot....but i guess, just like with every other situation, you have to take chances....no, thats definetely not the outcome i want, but risks are always worth it....you can always learn something from everything...and i'd be *quite* protected there...id always have someone watching my back, with me at all times....it's nice to know ppl....especially ones that care =)
i went to *the showdown*...with aphrodite and freaky flow....and i have to admit, that even for someone that doesnt like jungle, it was fuckin tight..i didnt like that fact that, 1st of all, it was BTM...2nd of all, all the djs and staff were drinking beer....sorry, but not at a venue that's more than likely gonna be broken up...it was just uncomfortable...but the music was tight, even though i *cant* dance to jungle...i had fun with the kids i went with too....they're cool =) i no longer have to pay for any parties i want to go to....which, in my opinion, is cool as fuck =) but thats just my opinion..and i dont have to *do* anything for it all either....i guess its just *who i am*.....cool =)
im seeing someone, someone nobody knows....pretty fuckin cool =*) beyond anything ive ever imagined, beyond the hopes and dreams ive ever had...truly amazing =*) makes my heart get all warm and fuzzy too, which im sure is a plus, right? ;) the one thing that makes me the happiest about him, is he accepts me for who i am...he knows all about my past, including my most recent mistakes...and he still wants to be with me...havent even kissed him yet, so i know its not about the sexual aspect of our relationship....which, in fact, im quite happy that i wont be used again...makes me feel a LOT better to know that im actually worth a relationship...wasnt too sure with all the negativity ive experienced lately, but my confidence has grown about 10 feet just in this last week....and it just keeps going and going....everyday i realize what a better person i am for letting things just happen...karma....what goes around comes around...and i guess, since i hurt someone a little bit ago, i should be getting that in return...but guess what...ive had it happen enough that i could kill someone, and i still wouldnt have given enough back...so put that in your pipe and smoke it...why dont you just be happy that you got what you wanted? god knows im over it already...will you ever be?
so im sure ill get over whatever it is that im holding inside...this fuckin anger is makin my ulcer hurt...god i remember when that shit happened when i couldnt even move off the damn floor...how *sweet* it was for someone to pretend like they cared....when will you realize that pretending is just an escape? and just ask megan...running doesnt solve anything...she tells me that all the god damn time...lol...thanks gurl...now i wont forget it =)
i hope my future does not consist of what is in my past...cuz im sure as fuck that i dont want ppl like that in my life ever again...ppl just plain out SUCK...too bad we all live on the same god damn planet, huh....oh well...hope i never see some of them again...that'd be *quite* the treat =) but i can only pray...
ok...now im off to la-la land...dream about my boi =*)
*julie ann* <==FINALLY seeing the light